Not Hard To Be Nice

Today's Read Time: 2.3 minutes

Last week, Jenni and I attended the Central Illinois HR Conference in Bloomington, and it was genuinely a great conference. The sessions offered timely insight into AI and legal updates, along with thoughtful conversations at our booth about what HR professionals are navigating right now. We met incredible people from across the state and had the opportunity to present a breakout session called “How to Deal with a Jerk at Work.”

The session is rooted in understanding behavior. When someone is being difficult, we look at the patterns. What happens when they are challenged? What does their language tell us about what might be happening beneath the surface? Before addressing any of it, you also have to regulate yourself so that someone else’s behavior does not turn you into the next jerk in the room.

That part matters because leaders often feel pressure to react quickly when conflict begins affecting the team. However, putting an attitude on a performance improvement plan rarely solves the problem. The better move is to get curious about what is motivating the behavior and address the issue beneath it.

The timing of the session could not have been more appropriate. Over the past several weeks, much of Jenni’s work with our HR clients has centered on workplace conflict. She has conducted investigations and mediated issues while helping leaders determine what to do next. There has been plenty of drama and tension and no shortage of jerky behavior.

Amid all of it, we have repeatedly found ourselves asking the same question: Why is it so hard to be nice?

Then, as if summoned by the Spotify gods themselves, Kyle Hume’s “Hard to Be Nice” landed in my playlist.

First of all, this song is a banger. It is fun and catchy, but it also happens to offer some solid leadership advice. The chorus reminds us that “it’s not that hard to be nice,” even when we are convinced that we are right.

That distinction is important because strong leadership is rarely about winning an argument. It is about understanding what the moment requires and choosing a response that allows the team to move forward.

Another line encourages people to “water some flowers” with the energy they might otherwise use to ruin someone else’s day. That is a pretty good test for leadership. Are you using your influence to help people grow, or have you created an environment where they are constantly bracing for your reaction? When you speak, do people leave with greater clarity, or do they simply walk away knowing that you had the power to make them uncomfortable?

Being kind does not mean avoiding accountability or lowering expectations. It means fulfilling those responsibilities without stripping someone of their dignity. You can address poor performance and still treat the person in front of you like a human. You can hold a firm boundary without trying to make someone feel small.

Leadership asks us to let go of scorekeeping and consider what would actually improve the situation. Sure, sometimes the answer is a formal investigation, a difficult conversation or a clear consequence. But sometimes the answer is simply choosing not to add more hostility to an already difficult moment.

So, consider this your workplace PSA and your new playlist recommendation. Use your influence to water a few flowers instead of ruining someone’s parade.

It really is not that hard to be nice.